To her…

I am afraid to barely touch the sheet,
To write the thoughts I’m carrying,
To bring out all this inner shit
With just a simple, dirty pen I’m carrying.
 
At night I’m tortured by delusions.
They are burned out inside my thoughts.
In dreams I’m blessed with promising illusions,
But in the morning realize, it is a curse.
 
This one was made by my own hands.
To be exact, my own mouth…
Thought we would be best friends
And now all that I have is my own shout!
 
I cannot change, atone my sins
Or change the past, don’t have the power.
At night I am awaked by stunning screams.
At morning for to clean I take a shower.
 
No water will remove the aching stains.
No soap or wisp will wash off it.
I’ve put myself in wordy chains,
Which taste like bittersweet…
 
My mind is bleeding, but it’s hidden.
I cannot say a simple “sorry” face to face.
This heavy word for both of us is now forbidden.
I’m doomed to rot inside without a saving trace.