Painful

So painful to come back to the times
Where happiness and laughter used to live,
And now it makes me soundlessly cry
When I see only ruins of destroyed belief.

It had been crushed and trampled by the years
And now it's breathless laying under the headstone,
Instead I got a lot of stupid fears,
So hard to get it over on my own.

I bring some gentle flowers to this grave
And sit in front of it each lonely night
When I get drunk with all the mindless rave
And all I need is just a place to hide.

I found it once and hid there from the crowd,
It felt like home for my destroyed belief,
But paranoid thoughts came like a cloud,
As soon as I just had to leave.

This perennial pain is never gonna die,
It unpredictably appears and hurts my soul.
So painful to come back to the times
When I didn't use to know about it at all.